Navigating the Heartache: A Guide to Coping With Grief After the Earthquake in Syria and Turkey

As a psychologist and Syrian national, I have witnessed the devastating effects of war and disaster on individuals and communities. I have seen families torn apart, homes destroyed, and dreams shattered. But nothing could have prepared me for the recent earthquake that hit Turkey and Syria.

I attended a grief circle on Saturday 18th February for Syrians who were impacted by the earthquake. Following the heartfelt stories people shared, I felt inspired to write this post in order to provide some guidance to others on how to cope with their pain following traumatic grief.

Traumatic grief is an especially intense form of grief. It can be triggered by the sudden, unexpected death of a loved one, such as in cases of accidents, suicide, or a natural disaster. And it can bring with it many overwhelming and intense feelings. It's important to recognize that there is no right or wrong way to grieve - everyone experiences this differently. That said here are some steps that could help you cope and move through it.

Acknowledging the Pain

In the days following the earthquake, many of us would’ve likely experienced, a constant state of agitation, irritability, explosivity and resurfacing of lost or forgotten memories of traumatic scenes. These could be triggered by sights, smells or sounds with minimal resemblance to the earlier experiences. Others may have felt numb. I personally felt helpless as I watched the news in the days that followed.

The overwhelming symptoms are a normal reaction to an extraordinary, life-threatening situation. And confronting death on such a scale can make us acutely aware of our fragility, limitations and mortality; causing us to feel in a number of different ways.

When you are dealing with traumatic grief, it can be tempting to try to push your feelings away or numb yourself. But acknowledging the pain is the first step towards preventing further psychological harm. It is important to give yourself permission to feel your emotions and to express them in different ways.

During the grief circle, we were encouraged to share our thoughts and feelings with one another. At that moment, I was reminded of the power of simply sharing how you’ve been feeling and what you are thinking about. If it feels too soon to speak to another about what happened then you could take the time to write down your thoughts and feelings or create art that represents your sense of grief. This is another powerful way to express ourselves and acknowledge the pain that we are experiencing.

Somatic Practices

Somatic practices (or body-focused practices) can help you connect with your body and release the tension and emotions that are trapped there. These practices can include things like deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or dance.

In the grief circle, we were led in a somatic practice that involved gently massaging our bodies starting with our shoulders and moving down to our feet. It was a way to re-establish a sense of safety in our bodies. Dima, our instructor, reminded us that our bodies are our first boundaries to the world around us. It contains us, holds us and keeps our organs intact. Our skin especially separates us from the rest of the world. The skin defines the line between us and others. And, reconnecting with this can bring us back from the shock we are experiencing.

Another thing that might be helpful at this time is to search for further resources that make us feel connected to the whole universe. Whether it is through walking, swimming or praying, these experiences can almost immediately help you get into a calm state. Find those activities that help you in this pursuit to find more daily moments of calm.

Seeking Support and Community

When it comes to seeking support many of us may think, “I can’t talk to anyone…Nobody would understand” or “I don’t want to upset others”. But if there is one thing that the grief circle reminded me of was how important it is to seek support and community when you are dealing with extremely challenging circumstances. You don't have to go through it alone. Reach out to friends and family members who can offer you support and understanding.

Finding Meaning

Finding meaning in the midst of traumatic grief can be a powerful way to heal. This can involve finding ways to honour the memory of your loved one or to create something positive out of the pain that you are feeling.

Those who attended the group spoke about their experiences volunteering and how helpful they found it. Many of them spoke about how fulfilling it was to see first-hand the aid reaching those in need, providing tangible evidence that their efforts were having a real effect on people's lives. It was also noted how important it is to help those affected, particularly in Syria, as they are so often forgotten and left without any support.

Conclusion

In conclusion, coping with traumatic grief is a difficult and often overwhelming experience. But by acknowledging the pain, engaging in somatic practices, seeking support and community, and finding meaning, it is possible to find a way through the pain. Remember that you are not alone and that there are people and resources available to help you on your journey.

Free Psychological First Aid Training for Syrians

In that spirit, I'm planning to deliver training for those who want to learn more about supporting themselves and others through traumatic grief. This training is completely free and open to all those who have been affected by the earthquake, whether in the diaspora or Syria. If you're interested in joining us, please register your interest by filling out the form here. Together, we can create a regenerative space that empowers us to support one another and find our way forward. More details about the training are on my Instagram account @drjalhakim.

As it is customary in academia to offer a reference list of those who you drew your ideas from, and I hope to maintain and be in ‘right relationship’** with those who I am learning from, I would like to acknowledge that this work is informed by many and to name a few - @Dimamkd, @healingjusticeldn and my spiritual teacher Dra Rocio Rosales Meza (@dr.rosalesmeza), and yoga teachers Naomi Annand (@naomiyoga) and Jo Cowan (@jo_cowan_yoga). I thank Dima Mekdad for running the group and for Healing Justice London for their guidance as well as St. Ethelburgas Centre for Reconciliation and Peace for offering us a space to come together.

**In Indigenous culture, it is essential to recognize and appreciate our instructors as well as those from whom we gain knowledge. Refusing to do so and attempting to exploit the labour of others is an act of colonialism.